Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
