dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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