you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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