He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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