He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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