True but thats because hes a fetus.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
zippers are such a cool invention
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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