We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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