yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
whose parrot is this?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
