i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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