I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
