I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
