is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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