conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
her facebook's as public as her vagina
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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