can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
