My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
