could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Randomize
