I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
