i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
