Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
