it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Found your dick twin last night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
