just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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