we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
