Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
