I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
