i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
