somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize