the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
