I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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