this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
