history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
