i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
