that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
