Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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