We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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