I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I understand Curling. That high.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
