just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
