like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
