There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
