Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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