what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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