My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
