I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
