just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
