I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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