i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
tell me about the eggs
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
