I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
