i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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