happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think your dad took our porno
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
