I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
