The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
