dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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