Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
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