so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
