Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
