he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
