He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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