My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
