i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
