There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
