my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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