omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
